is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
