Porn is love you can see.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize