I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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