Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize