So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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