look no pants
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
