There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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