you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
