I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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