you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
