Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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