if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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