lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Panties = found
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
