happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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