swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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