He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
