So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
