So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Use "feeling words"
Yay
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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