You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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