I just found a bag of teeth...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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