Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
