the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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