She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
