At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
