Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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