i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
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GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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