Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
