You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
