OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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