Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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