i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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