hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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