At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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