Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
