I wish you could order shots online.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
