Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
