last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
