Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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