I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
