Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
