he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
