you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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