You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize