You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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