Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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