If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize