Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
