Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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