What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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