you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
