it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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