dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
