I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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