New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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