Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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