Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
