I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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