Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
