Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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