Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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