3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
